Slight detour

 I’m fairly certain that traveling the path of tasawwuf with a sheikh is something I need to do  (I’m never 100% certain about anything.  Ask the husband - I drive him crazy with “I’m pretty sure…” “I think…”  “maybe…”).  The husband, on the other hand, is totally not convinced.  Despite the fact that I’ve prayed istikhara about this and feel that this is what Allah (swt) wants me to do, he isn’t buying it.

We sat down to have a talk on Wednesday, this time about the possibility of me going to a dhikr session.  He wanted to know what kind of dhikr would be said, and upon learning that it was not something directly said by the Prophet (saws), he got worked up.  Now, the husband is really serious about his deen.  That’s one of the things I love about him, and one of the reasons I married him.  The thing is though, he’s serious about Islam in a quasi salafi/ibn Hazm loving/no qiyas/no bidah hasana kinda way, where as I’ve developed my practice of Islam in a more traditional/madhab oriented manner. 

Imam Shafi’i wrote that:

New matters are of two kinds: something begun that contravenes the Qur’an, sunna, the position of early Muslims, or consensus of scholars (ijma‘): this innovation is misguidance. And something begun of the good in which there is no contravention of any of these, and is therefore something new (muhdatha) but not blameworthy. For when ‘Umar (Allah be well pleased with him) saw the [tarawih] prayer being performed [in a group by Muslims in the mosque] in Ramadan, he said, “What a good innovation (bid‘a) this is,” meaning something newly begun that not had been done before. And even though it had, this does not negate the foregoing (al-Dhahabi, Siyar a‘lam al-nubala’. 23 vols. Beirut: Mu’assassa al-Risala, 1401/1981, 10.70).

While many of the practices of the Shadhili Tariq are directly from the sunnah of the Prophet (saws) - emphasis on fard and sunnah prayers, reading a porition of the quran every day, making all the sunnah dhikr, as well as a strong strong strong emphasis on following the sharia and getting rid of all the haram in your life - others, such as the wirds, the gatherings of the tariq and the hizbs, fall into the bidah hasana category.

And, it’s that stuff in the later category that drives the husband up the wall.   He’s not been brainwashed or brow beaten into his beliefs.  He’s come to his position after quite a bit of study with a knowledgable teacher, and he’s not easy to convince that he’s wrong.  Despite presenting him with well written and well reasoned articles about the permissibility of bidah hasana and religious practices that are bidah hasana, he’s just not seeing it.

Thus, we come to the slight detour in the road.  During our conversation, I explained how I felt something was lacking in how Islam had been presented to me - haram haram haram haram, do this, don’t do that.  The “spiritual” aspect was completely absent.  I had gone looking for this on my own, and found some things that helped me draw closer to God (like some of my favorite books of all time, Purification of the Heart and Sufism and Good Character), but that I really felt drawn to taking a tariq and traveling down the path with the guidance of a sheikh to help me to know Allah (swt).

Alhamdulilah, the husband is totally sympathetic with this.  So now he’s on a mission - a mission to prove to me that “ahl al sunnah wa jamaa” has everything I’m looking for and that I don’t need sufism to help me.  He’s writing up some articles and we’ll look for some books to buy that we’ll study together during this next month.  If, at the end of the month, I still feel that sufism is what I need, the husband will grudingly support me in my taking the tariq.  He won’t be happy about it, but he’s not forbidding it either.

Alhamdulilah.  I *heart* my husband. 

Oh, not much, you?

It never fails.  Whether I’m on the phone with my mom, emailing with my sister or catching up with an old friend, I’m inevitably asked what’s up, what’s new?  And my answer is, inevitably, oh, not much, you?

It’s not that I lead a borning existance (ok, well, maybe I do).  More accurately, it’s not that I’m not up to anything, nor that nothing is new.  It’s just that I can’t talk about it with my family and childhood friends.

I’m walking down a spiritual path.  I’m working to impliment the sharia in my life.  I’m trying to get closer to God, so that He becomes my hearing with which I hear, my sight with which I see, my hand with which I seize and my foot with which I walk.

Um, yeah, they’ll understand that, riiiiight.

I wish I could share this journey with them.  I wish there was some way I could convey the joy I’ve finally found in bowing to my Lord in salat, or the peace of heart I have in remembering Him.

*sigh*

More Retreat

Alhamdulilah, watched Episodes 2 and 3 of the Retreat yesterday, and once again, I was on the brink of tears at several points.  Seriously, the last 20 minutes of episode 3 are a must watch.

Random thoughts:  I would have liked to have seen more of the classes.  If they’re in class every day for 4 weeks, they must have covered quite a bit of ground.  Of course, since it was reality tv, they “needed” to show conflict, and the classes probably didn’t fit that category.  

I was very disapointed at Abdullah’s comments when Aisha didn’t want to hike up her shirt and pants to stomp on grapes in front of the menfolk.   Seriously dude, Islam has rules.  The Qur’an is full of em.  The example of the Prophet (saws) is full of em.  You don’t get to throw them away just because you’re treading the spiritual path.  Balance people, balance.

I’d also like a follow up show.  They had a little “6 months on” thing in the credits, but I would love to see more of how they did (or didn’t) put what they learned into practice in the outside world.

After some digging, I found a wee bit more info about Abdullah.  He’s apparently a murshid of Sh. Hamza al Qadiri al Boutchichi.  Amazing what one can find on the internets.

Free Sunnipath Course

How do I love Sunnipath?  Let me count the ways…

1.  Free courses from time to time

In the special free 3-week course The Hadith Jibril: Exploring the Core of Prophetic Guidance, learn how the meanings and lessons of the Hadith Jibril relate to your life. Understand how the three dimensions of the religion—Islam, Iman, and Ihsan—interconnect and define the true believer.

I tried to register this morning, but alas, the registration page kept processing…processing…processing…inshaAllah I’ll try again later today.  I’m so excited to see courses like this offered.  I had briefly flirted with writing something up based on the Hadith Jibril to give to new muslims, as it provides all the basics a newbie needs.  But, alhamdulilah, people with more knowledge than I are already doing it, so I’m off the hook for now.  I recently inquired with my masjid about helping with the new convert program, so inshaAllah I’ll be taking notes for things that I could use if they need my assistance.

What Happened to ‘Good’ Islam?

From Tariq Nelson:

I was told of an Islam that spoke of God’s Infinite Love and Mercy for His creation. I was told of an Islam that inspired people to make positive changes to their lives. I was told of an Islam that offers to serve others and offered solid solutions to problems. All of these things were attractive and this is the Islam that people were flocking to in the 1990’s. This is the Islam I accepted

Now all of those things are a “waste of time”. This new “Islam” is about hate, killing, rape and murder. I am told by a person visiting this site that I should be praising the daily carnage that I see on the news and to believe in wacky conspiracy theories and blood libel. (I have been accused several times by my co-religionists of being a spy and a closet Zionist)

Now I am told that I never understood Islam and that the things I mentioned above represent an “American” Islam and hence bidah (rejected innovation) and that I should accept this “real Islam”

Wish I could come up with something profound and constructive to add, but words escape me.  But if I had to pick someone to speak for me and my Islam, I’d chose Br. Tariq any day of the week.

“Those who have no mercy on other human beings (NAS), will not receive the mercy of Allah.” Bukhari

Note the NAS.  NAS, people, not Momineen, believers.  Have mercy for PEOPLE.

Theft

I was a little thief.  In my youth (ok, and in my teenage years), I stole from my parents, my grandmother and my siblings.  $5 here, $20 there.  It wasn’t even for anything important - just going out to lunch with friends, snacks, soda and candy.

My parents knew I was a little thief.  When I was in 6th grade, my mom found gum wrappers in my room.  She made me tell her where I had stolen the gum from, and then made me go apologize.  You would think after that humiliation, I would have stopped stealing.  Nope, I just started stealing from them instead.

When one converts to Islam, they’re told that all their past sins have been wiped away, that you’re as clean as the day you were born.  Unfortunately, if you violated the rights of others (like stealing from them), you still owe them.  If you don’t pay them back and make amends, Allah (swt) will take what you owe them on the day of judgment.  *gulp* 

I had thought I put that chapter of my life behind me.   I had to work hard to regain my parents’ trust.  And now I have to face it all again.  I have to sit down, admit my thefts and repay my family.  *gulp*   I’m going to have to role play this conversation a million times and make lots of dua to have the strength to face these past demons.  It’s going to be a fun thanksgiving at my parents’ house this year.  *gulp*

 Here’s the game plan:

*Sit the whole family down, preferably when they’re all happy at the same time

*Say something along the lines of - you all know that when I was younger I stole from mom and dad.  Well, on occasion, I also stole from you guys (ie brother and sister).

*I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and trying to improve myself.  In Islam, when you violate the rights of another person, you cannot be forgiven of that violation unless you recify the wrongs you did to that person.

*So, I’m here to ask for your forgiveness for my past actions, and to repay you what I took.  I am unsure of the amount, so I have  $x in cash for you (brother and sister).  Mom and Dad, I would like to work out a payment plan with you over the next few months until I’ve paid you back. 

Oh Allah (swt), give me strength!  My heart is palpitating just thinking about doing this.

Living Vivaciously through pictures

*off topic rant before the thread - stupid blogger, won’t do the spacing I ask for @#$!@#^@#$#$#*

Every Ramadan, I troll the yahoo news pictures, and become engrossed in pictures of the ummah fasting and celebrating. This has become a habits out of longing for a community to belong to. I’ve been muslim for nearly 5 years now, and still haven’t had muslim community to call home. I converted by myself at University. It took me 2 weeks to work up the courage to say salaams to a girl in my class who was muslim. Then I transferred to another school. It took me 6 months to work up the courage to start going to MSA events. I had quite a few muslim aquiantences in college, and a few sisters who I thought were real friends, but alas, those friends were apparently superficial and didn’t survive past graduation.