Category Archive

I had falafel on my to make list this week, but just look at this:

Baked Sweet Potato Falafel

*packs chickpea flour and sesame seeds in suitcase for the forthcoming grand tour of wisconsin*   My poor grandma, she’s going to regret taking me up on my offer to cook for her while I visit.

Going to take the car in tomorrow for some much avoided repair work.  Last time I had repair work done, they had to replace my back axle to the tune of $1,000.  Apparently I had driven 500 miles of my 700 mile grand tour of Wisconsin with a broken axle.  If I hadn’t taken the car in for a tire rotation in my hometown while on tour, the tires could have come off while I was driving on the highway!  So alhamdulilah, despite the steep price tag.

There’s something screwy with the right front something or other that I deferred doing last time but really should do before I go on my next grand tour at the end of the month.  Make dua that it isn’t another $1,000.

ugh, being an adult has too much responsibility attached.

On a related (to the forthcoming grand tour of Wisconsin) note, my mom and my sister have both been receptive to my obsession with eating naturally (and by extension zabiha-y), ie meals made from scratch with whole ingredients and no scary sounding chemicals and preservatives.  Mom and I actually talked this last weekend about a story we both heard on NPR, in particular, this part:

Kessler says it is possible to create virtually anything with chemicals. In his book, he writes that a piece of meat can be made to taste like it has been seared, braised, roasted or grilled. And, he tells Norris, much of our food today — because it’s so highly processed — is enormously palatable.

Seriously, is that not disturbing?

And, I often have talked with her about my grocery shopping triumphs, where I manage to purchase only whole ingredients.  So, she’s already aware that I’ve become super nit picky about what I eat.  I’m really hoping that she won’t freak when I refuse to eat x y and z at their table.

I’ve already offered to do the cooking for my grandma and my parents while I’m there, so I am hoping to introduce some tasty vegetarian cuisine sans non zabiha meat and potential alcohol.

I’m home.  Spent 3 days straight with my extended family – all 25 of them.  Yeah, it was nice, but a bit much.  Random things I have learned:

• My uncle lived a very full life and touched a lot of people.  Alhamdulilah. 
• My dad was crazy in college.  Real crazy.  Lampshade on head crazy.
• Life on the farm was hard.  Ok, I theoretically knew that before, but hearing the stories about growing up on the farm, man, it was tough.
• My dad and his brothers performed science experiments on the barn cats when they were little, such as: how high up does a cat have to be dropped from before it can land on it’s feet?  Boo.
• There is such a job as elephant floor salesman.  That’s what my dad and uncle’s college roommate does for a living.  He sells floors for elephants.
• My dad and my uncle roomed together in college.  They had a very poor sense of hygiene.
• My dad and his siblings are horrible at Taboo.  I, on the other hand, rock.
• The Sunday after Thanksgiving is the worst day to travel.  It took me an hour and a half longer than it normally does to drive between Madison and Minnesota.  The last 19 miles along 94 to the Minnesota border were bumper to bumper traffic.
• My grandmother will never get over my hijab.  She asks me the same questions about it every time I see her. 
• Speaking of hijab, my aunt thinks my hijab is stupid.  Well, she can bite me.
• Madcat is my new favorite pet store.  Too bad it’s in Madison.  They feed their store kitty evo wet food, and OMGosh, she was soooo soft.
• Left over veggie fajita fillings make a good omelet the morning after.
• There are lots of good wet cat foods out there.  I got probably 10 different brands, 20 different flavors.  I also have 3 varieties of dry food: Innova, Origen and Solid Gold.   I figure I’ll see what kitty likes best and get more of that.
•  My kitty is going to be so spoiled.
• Speaking of kitty, my husband is weird.  He asked me this morning if I could sew some clothes for the cat.  Yeah, I can’t sew.  Apparently, he wants to take the cat outside in the winter.  Um, yeah.
• The american paper industry is in dire straights.  My dad, 2 of his brothers and 2 of my aunts are/were all in the paper industry.  Many of the people who came to the funeral were paper people.  My brother is going to be a chemical engineer who specializes in paper, just like my dad.  Every time my dad introduced my brother and said what he was studying, the person groaned, rolled their eyes and urged him to get the heck out while he still can.
• Unsloppy joes are the awesome.  It’s my new favorite recipe.  I made it for my grandma and my sister this weekend, and when my aunt and her boyfriend stopped over, they tried it too.  They all had to have the recipe.

And now, on with life.  We’re into Dhull-Hijja.  Eid is potentially next Monday.  I haven’t had a chance to see if there’s squabbling about the date yet, so I’m not sure.  inshaAllah we’re getting a kitty next weekend.  Alhamdulilah.

In place of a eulogy, my aunt has asked the family to write some of their memories of my uncle for the pastor to read.  Here are my thoughts.  inshaAllah I’ll polish them later:

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, due in large part to the gathering Uncle Jeff and Aunt Pat hosted every year.  The entire family gathers, and those who can’t make it are sure to phone in and say hello.  A veritable feast is laid out and we all partake.  Inevitably, talk will turn to politics, and the banter will increase as we sit, stuffed to the gills.

But out of all the hustle and bustle of the day, a bright light stands out: Uncle Jeff’s prayer.  He must have taken such thought to write them out, taking care to include all the people gathered.  Here, insert something about this year – my sister and I think that he wrote one that someone will read.  If he didn’t, write about how I missed it.  Thank you Uncle Jeff, for your beautiful prayers.

Looks like we’ll be having a funeral instead of thanksgiving this year.  My uncle passed away last night.  My aunt is determined to still have thanksgiving at their house with everyone, but man, that’s tough.

inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’oon – to God we belong and to Him is our return

To my Grandpa, who served in World War 2 in the South Pacific…

to my Great Grandfather, who earned his US citizenship fighting in World War 1…

and to a Great Great Great Grandfather, who died for the North in the Civil War…

…this country isn’t perfect.  But it is a great place to live.  Thank you for keeping it safe.

My uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer 2 years ago.  Alhamdulilah, Allah (swt) gave him another 2 years.  He and my aunt have had the opportunity to travel the world, and spend time with all their friends and family.  He made it to a few more Packers games, and got to play Trivia in the world’s largest trivia contest two more times.  And we’ve had 2 more family thanksgivings.  My aunt and uncle have hosted a big get together at their house for years.  Everyone from my dad’s side of the family comes.

 After my grandfather passed away earlier this year, we had all been looking forward to getting together under happier circumstances.  Unfortunately, we’re not sure if there’s going to be another thanksgiving at their house this year. 

The cancer is unstoppable, and there’s not much more that can be done.  Please make dua that my uncle will be able to spend one more thanksgiving with us.

My eeevil plan is working *rubs hands together with glee*    I want a cat.  The husband is waffling on the subject.  He’s agreed that we’ll get one, but just not anytime soon.  I’m tired of waiting.  So I drug him to Petsmart after our anniversary dinner last night.  Many of the big chain pet stores don’t sell cats, but they do foster them for local shelters.  One of the kitties stole my husband’s heart as she melted in my arms. 

Look at that face.  Who could say no to that face? 

The husband said she was just begging to be taken home.  Ah honey, every cat I play with (I visit the kitties at Petsmart often) just begs to be taken home.  He also thought she’d be lonely if we adopted just one, so we’ll have to adopt 2.  Nope, not going to say no to that either

Unfortunately, we can’t adopt little Eleanor.  The management at our apartments requires cats to be declawed.  I will not declaw a cat, so we’re looking for one who is already declawed.  inshaAllah Eleanor will go to a good home.  Many thanks to her for gently nudging my husband in the right direction.

One step closer to getting a cat inshaAllah.

My parents are coming for the weekend.  And for the first time, I’m going to pray with their knowledge.  In the past, I’ve snuck around and prayed when they weren’t paying attention, or just not prayed at all  (astaghfirAllah).

I told them when the various prayer times are, that we’ll have to make our dinner reservations for 7:30, so I have time to pray maghrib before.  That we’ll leave the zoo at 3, so I can get home and pray zuhr and asr at home (no way in heck I’m praying at the zoo alone with them). 

This is uber scary.  I can’t remember ever speaking about God or prayer with my parents.  It’s funny, because one of my first memories is praying daddy’s friend Dale who had AIDS (inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’oon).  But after that, prayer and God were for Sunday.  To openly worship God on another day of the week is just weird. 

I know they won’t understand.  And I’m not going to try to make them understand.  I’ll just make extra dua after each salat that Allah (swt) will open their hearts and give them some understanding.

I’ve got my sign (peace and love dove) prepped, and my outfit all picked out (my fav FUNdamentalist shirt + my hot green scarf).  Now I’ve just got to steel my nerves.  The RNC is coming to town, and along with it, a massive bunch of protesters  and major trouble.

The police have been conducting raids, arresting potential rabble rousers.   My bus goes by the jail, which is starting to look more like the US Embassy in Cairo than anything one should find in US cities.  I write that because I wanted to post a picture of the fortifications, but couldn’t find any of the jail here.  I thought I could find some of the embassy, but alas, sheikh google has let me down.  Think giant concrete blocks, 10 foot high fences and a corral system, guarded by guys with very large guns.

My grandma asked me last week if I was going to volunteer.  I had to stiffle a snicker.  Sure Grandma, I’m going to be part of the welcoming committee.  I’ll throw on my black abaya, maybe a niqab for good measure and drive out to the airport with a big ol Welcome to Minnesota sign, in hopes that the delegates will take one look at me and turn right back around.

No, my grandma isn’t a republican, she’s just civic minded.  Her boss was the chair of the Republican Party of Wisconsin back in the 50s, so she got dragged into it too.  One of my favorite stories that she tells is of a dinner she went to, where Joseph McCarthy was the guest of honor.  While everyone stood and applauded when he entered, she stayed seated and shot him an evil eye.  Go Grandma!

Monday is D day, potentially the first day of Ramadan, and the march on the RNC.  inshaAllah I’ll get pictures.  The husband will not be joining me.  He’s still a permanent resident, and doesn’t want to risk getting in trouble with the law.  I’m not planning on doing any civil disobedience, and as such, hope not to get arrested, but please make dua that I don’t.   If you see a girl in a neon green hijab being dragged away kicking and screaming, that’s yours truly.

My grandfather usually painted from pictures.  His art room was full of newspaper clippings, pages from magazines and photos from family vacations. 

I’m not sure where he got the picture for this painting from.  The papyrus came from my aunt and uncle when they took a trip to egypt.

I chose this picture because of the arabic, although everyone else likes it for the guy on the donkey.

I think this is karnak.  The husband thinks it’s the Elephantine Islands.

The step pyramid in Egypt.  Little did these women know that they would be immortalized in some painting in Wisconsin.  Lots of strangers ended up in my grandfather’s paintings.

My favorite painting.  I think it’s somewhere in Switzerland.  It hangs above the couch in my living room.

MDs urged to quit prostate screens in elderly men

Screening for Prostate Cancer: U.S. Preventive Services Task Force Recommendation Statement

Harms of Detection and Early Treatment

The USPSTF found convincing evidence that treatment for prostate cancer detected by screening causes moderate-to-substantial harms, such as erectile dysfunction, urinary incontinence, bowel dysfunction, and death. These harms are especially important because some men with prostate cancer who are treated would never have developed symptoms related to cancer during their lifetime. There is also adequate evidence that the screening process produces at least small harms, including pain and discomfort associated with prostate biopsy and psychological effects of false-positive test results.

My grandfather went into the hospital in June due to complications related to prostate cancer screening and treatment.  He never left.  His brother has had prostate cancer for years, hasn’t been treated, and is still alive.

*sigh*

My grandfather was born on a farm.  He was raised on a farm.  He spent most of his life on the farm.  Farming wasn’t his first choice of career.  He wanted to be an accountant or a doctor, but he never made it to college.  When farming became his lot in life, he threw all of his blood, sweat and tears into the land.  He built the house and barn at the family farm almost single handedly. 

He survived farm accidents and illnesses too numerous to count.  When he was 9, his appendix burst.  He survived.  After my father was born, he fell down a hay shaft.  He survived.  Still in his body cast, he shuffled down the rows of tobacco, pulling weeds.  He rigged his tractor with hand brakes so he could be out in the field even before his ankles healed.  He had his hips replaced 3 times. 

Despite the numerous hardships he faced as a farmer, he never lost his smile.  My most persistent memory of him is when he was lumbering around the house like cross between Frankenstein and an enormous penguin, a grin plastered on his face.  His gait was stiff due to his 2 artificial hips and ankles that never completely healed, but he refused to let it get him down.  He still milked the dairy cows right up to the moment he sold them in the late 80s.  He continued to drive the tractor, even after it flipped over on him while driving up a hill.  He did repairs around the house, and climbed up ladders to pick apples.

He never slowed down, even after he and my grandma sold the farm and moved to town.  He got right down to business and planted a huge garden in the backyard.  He puttered around the house, but most of the time was devoted to his greatest passion – painting.

At 62, my grandfather taught himself to paint.  My aunt gave him a book on drawing and he thought, hey, I can do that.  He would clip pictures from magazines by the dozens and look through stacks of pictures that my aunt and uncle took on their numerous ’round the world adventures.  When he found a picture that struck his fancy, he would retire to his studio, surrounded by chaos and begin.  He painstakingly copied the picture to the canvas with a pencil, erasing and redrawing more times than I can count.  When he was satisfied, he would dig around in the piles on the floor for the right color of paint and proceed. 

His painting only slowed once – when my grandmother became ill.  He cared for her as her health declined over the years.  He refused to put her in a nursing home.  Whenever she was in the hospital, he would be there, hovering, insisting that they weren’t taking good enough care of her.  When she was confined to bed, he moved his painting supplies to the bed next to her and continued to paint.  My grandmother died 2 years ago, and he cared for her right through the end.

The day he went into the hospital in June, he was out in his garden digging bean poles.  He finished, called the ambulance since he couldn’t drive anymore, and waited out from for them to come.  When my father rushed to the hospital, one of the first things Grandpa told him was that he needed to go out and finish planting the beans. 

He had prostate cancer.  There were complications.  Despite that, he wanted to go home.  He wanted to be out of bed, out of the hospital, and back to his home, where he could putter around, doctor his wounds with vaseline, tend his garden and paint.  Ever few days, he’d struggle out of bed, start packing his stuff and announce he was leaving.

He never came home.  When it became clear that he would need to spend quite a long time in a nursing home to recover, he decided to give up.  If he couldn’t be independent, life wasn’t worth living.  It’s the only time I’ve known him to give up.

When we were cleaning out his house this week, we moved all his paintings to the basement, where he had hung his favorites on the wall.  We stopped counting at 300.  Two of them now hang on my wall.

At the funeral mass, the first reading was from the Ecclesiastes 3 

 1 There is a time for everything,  and a season for every activity under heaven:  2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,  3 a time to kill and a time to heal,  a time to tear down and a time to build,  4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,  5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,  a time to embrace and a time to refrain,  6 a time to search and a time to give up,  a time to keep and a time to throw away,  7 a time to tear and a time to mend,   a time to be silent and a time to speak,  8 a time to love and a time to hate,  a time for war and a time for peace.  9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men.

 As I read this passage, I was struck.  What is this but qadr?  Allah (swt) has ordained a time for everything.  There is a time for life, and a time for death.  Alhamdulilah, He ordained 84 years for my grandfather.  He could have taken him when his appendix burst when he was 9, and then I wouldn’t be here.  He could have taken him when he fell down a hay shaft, and my father would never have known his father.  Alhamdulilah, we had 84 years with my grandfather.

Of course, knowing something is qadr Allah and finding peace with that knowledge are two different things… 

Remember when I wrote I’m afraid of confrontation?  It makes it difficult for me to work up the nerve to present Islam to my family.  I’ve given some of them books, and answered some questions, but I’ve never done any extensive dawah with them.

I didn’t lose anyone close to me until 4 years ago.  Since then, I’ve lost a grandfather and a grandmother, neither of whom I talked about Islam with.  Now my remaining grandfather is dying.  He had a stroke that makes it near impossible for him to swallow.  He doesn’t want to end up a vegetable like my late grandmother (who slowly deteriorated mentally until she was reduced to an infant like state), so he’s refusing a feeding tube.  I’ve never even told him I’m muslim, let alone talked with him about Islam.

I’m normally a pretty emotional person, but this time around, I’m completely gone.  I’m so lost.   He’s not coherent much of the time, and I can guarentee that when he is, all my family will be there, and they’d be pissed off to the nth degree if I say anything, probably to the point where they wouldn’t talk to me anymore.

So I am going to say goodbye, knowing I failed my grandfather.  May Allah (swt) grant him mercy and peace despite my shortcomings.

It’s been a stressful few weeks in my world.  My grandfather went into the hospital a few weeks back with internal bleeding.  He was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and has been on a wild roller coaster of wanting to struggle and just giving up.  Every day, there’s a call that he migh not make it.  I visited him yesterday and he’s a skeleton.   All he ate was half a little dish of ice cream.  *sigh*

My sister was in the hospital recently as well with severe anemia.  The [sarcasm] wonderful [/sarcasm] doctors she had did not communicate with her at all, and faxed her on Friday the test results that showed the possibility of a very serious illness.  Dude, you tell someone something horrible via fax?!?!????  *dur*

And my father just found out he was pre diabetic.  Although he got on a health kick 8 years ago and lost a ton of weight, all those years of crappy eating have still damaged his body.  Again, another wake up call (sign from Allah?) that I need to get serious about getting healthy.  I did not get my usual egg and cheese biscuit from McDonalds this morning.  Instead, I’m eating instant oatmeal filled with sugar.  Ok, it’s not great, but it’s a start.  *blah*

Granted, not everything is horrible.  I met Dara of Modest Clothes on Saturday and helped her vend at a bazaar.  If I ever have a midlife crisis, I think I’m going to quit my job and sell scarves.  While I have no fashion sense for the rest of my outfits, hijab I’m all over. 

I got another kuwaiti wrap scarf, which was a gamble.  I have 2 others that are a tight under my chin and are just uncomfortable.  Alhamdulilah, this one isn’t so bad.  It’s a bit tight, and the wrap bunches a bit under my chin, but not as bad as my others.  Plus, it was bright orange, so I couldn’t resist.  I also got a lime green sqare scarf *weeee*  I’m all about the bright scarves, and I didn’t have a green one yet.  Now, all I need is a late 80s party and I’m all set.

I finally got new long hijab pins as well.  I bought a dozen a few years back, and I’ve either lost or managed to mangle all but like one of them.  I was looking for the long ones with just a few simple beads on the end, but it looks like dangly is the style now.  I broke down and got a few dangly ones that are cute.  They’re excellent quality and I’d definately recommend them to people looking for hijab pins (and bling).

I also got the husband a muslimgear shirt as a present (short sleeved).  However, I do plan on stealing it come jummah and rocking it with a white long sleeved shirt underneath and my new lime green scarf.

So in conclusion, when life sucks, shop.  Ah no wait.  When life sucks, turn to Allah (swt)…and shop.