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lost
Posted under convert, family by rahmaRemember when I wrote I’m afraid of confrontation? It makes it difficult for me to work up the nerve to present Islam to my family. I’ve given some of them books, and answered some questions, but I’ve never done any extensive dawah with them.
I didn’t lose anyone close to me until 4 years ago. Since then, I’ve lost a grandfather and a grandmother, neither of whom I talked about Islam with. Now my remaining grandfather is dying. He had a stroke that makes it near impossible for him to swallow. He doesn’t want to end up a vegetable like my late grandmother (who slowly deteriorated mentally until she was reduced to an infant like state), so he’s refusing a feeding tube. I’ve never even told him I’m muslim, let alone talked with him about Islam.
I’m normally a pretty emotional person, but this time around, I’m completely gone. I’m so lost. He’s not coherent much of the time, and I can guarentee that when he is, all my family will be there, and they’d be pissed off to the nth degree if I say anything, probably to the point where they wouldn’t talk to me anymore.
So I am going to say goodbye, knowing I failed my grandfather. May Allah (swt) grant him mercy and peace despite my shortcomings.
ASA,
I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather. You know, there’s only so much you can do. It seems like you’ve recognized that your dawah efforts may cause more tension between you and your family. It seems like the smart thing to do is to stand back and not say anything. Allah knows your intentions.
Though my family has made peace with my “muslimness” I don’t go around trying to give them dawah because I know it will cause tension. Instead I let them know if they ever have any questions they can ask me. Otherwise, my dawah is by example, insha’allah. They see me going to pray, not eating pork, going to the masjid etc. I don’t even talk about religion with my mom because I know it’s not a good idea. I have gone Sura Kafirun on her- “to you be your way and to me mine.” Sometimes that’s the best way…
wa alaikum assalam,
That’s been my take on it, let my actions be my dawah, but it’s hard when it reaches the end.
Qadr Allah
Salaam alaikum,
This post was very moving. I just wanted to extend a hand if you need it– I’ve worked in eldercare and hospice for many years and was very close to my grandfather, including while he was dying. I’d be glad to talk with you privately if you need someone to listen.
Love to you and my prayers for you and your family, and for the mercy of Allah, which constantly surrounds each of us even without our asking–
Annette
wa alaikum assalam wr wb,
JazakAllah khair for your offer. I’m leaving shortly to go visit, and will be without the internet, but inshaAllah if I have the opportunity to contact you I will.
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